Monday, January 26, 2009

Letter to my Dad

Dear Dad,
Today marks 11 years since we last saw your smile,heard your laugh,and felt your hugs. A lot has changed since you have been gone. Your 6 year old granddaughter is now 17. She is getting ready to take her drivers test. I guess she won't be needed that little tykes car you bought her anymore. She is still the same little girl she was then,just taller. I can picture the two of you going on shopping trips. Do you remember when she was two and you took her shopping? What started out as just a dress turned into a dress,new shoes, a new purse and a head bow? I can still hear you laughing telling me the new dress didn't match the old shoes and well the purse looked so cute with the dress. I have to tell you she is still like that. Everything matches. Only the whole outfit for 50 dollars? You would be lucky to get her shoes for that. She has turned into this extremely posed young adult. You would be so proud of her. 

The little tornado is now 14 almost 15. Remember how she would barely talk and when she did you couldn't understand her? After years of speech class we can't shut her up. How I wish you could hear her. She has turned into this strong full of wonder kid. I often ask her what does she remember about you. "Not much" she will reply. It breaks my heart to hear that. It was what I feared the most. My kids not remembering you. 

Little foo-foo turned 13 this past year. The little girl who would sing Celine Dion songs now sings for chorus. I can still picture her singing "My heart will go on" to you. She had no idea what that song meant. To her it was the most popular song/video at the time. To the rest of us it was the story we were currently living. She has more memories of you then I ever expected her too. She was only two when you died. I don't remember much when I was two but she does. She use to talk to you a lot but I'm sure you know that. The first time she did that we were coming home from the mall. We heard her talking away in her car seat and her sisters were sleeping in the backseat. I asked her "who are you talking to?" She looked at me said I'm talking to my "Pop-Pop". It was the first of many times she would do that. 

We have a new youngest child now. Bubby is a very very active 20 month old. He looks just like Tornado and has Foo's personality. I think you would have gotten a big kick out of him. I have been trying to find ways for him to know who you are. It's tough.

Your son has now graduated from high school and college. He went to the college he said for years he was going to go to. It was hard on him when you died. He lost his best buddy and he was lost. He has changed a lot over the years. I can see the two of  still being best friends. Now if we could just find him a nice girl to settle down with. 

Mom is healing. She went years of just grieving. I think she expected you to walk thru that door at any minute. Who didn't? She was afraid if she moved on she would leave you behind. The problem is we have to move on. She bought her 1st house a year ago. Can you believe it? I was so proud of her. It was one of the hardest things she ever had to do,leave your old house. She did it. It was the best thing for her. She is completely different. There is a smile in her eyes I haven't seen for years. 

I wish I could say we are the same people we were 11 years ago. We are not. We all lost a part of our soul that cold January day. This year has been a little harder for me. I think it is because I realize all the things you are missing out on. The laughs. The hugs. The smiles. Most of all the memories. I know I will see you again someday and we will have the biggest party ever.

Until that day,Dad........

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