Like the hat? Kind of weird looking? Kind of ugly? Not something you would wear everyday? That hat has been sitting there,well since the person gave it to us. Yet it means the world to us. You see my brother in law gave it to my hubby last year. He brought it back from Scotland. He thought his younger brother would be the only one crazy enough to wear it to work. How I wish I could tell you hubby would never wear something like that to work. He did. How the two brothers laughed about that. One would egg the other one on. If you looked at them they couldn't look any more different,but deep down the same. Little brother(hubby)would tell some ...ummm.. colorful joke and big brother would laugh this deep hardy laugh. The kind of laugh that could make a whole room laugh even if you didn't hear the joke. Big brother had that way about him,that larger then life, way about him. He didn't just hug you. He. Hugged. You. That big bear hug that takes away your breath way. He worked for an airline,so he did a lot of traveling. The places he would go. I could only dream about them. The pictures and video he took made you feel like you were there too. If he brought extra money along and would buy trinkets for everyone. The hat. How I miss that.This past Thanksgiving we marked one year without my bil. There are days I can't believe it has been a year. Days were it feels like yesterday. I think back (a lot) to Thanksgiving last year. We were over at my in laws and really enjoying the day. It was our little guys first Thanksgiving. Hubby's niece was almost 4 months pregnant. The first great grandchild. We were all huddled around the computer trying to video chat with bil and his family. His daughters Firefly(4) and Ladybug(7) were just bouncing off the walls. We weren't able to get the live feed working. Bil would send video he recorded and we kept him on speaker phone. It was the next best thing to having all of them there. I remember about a hour after we started chatting,he said he had to go so he could make dinner. My first thought was stay just a little bit longer. Why I thought that, I have no idea. But I did. That was the last time we spoke to him. Two days later he had gotten an ear infection. Not a huge deal. Boy. Were. We. Wrong. On Sunday his health went down hill. He wasn't making any sense. He couldn't walk. When he finally made it to the hospital that night,he slipped into a coma. He never came out. Five days after Thanksgiving my bil was gone. The next few days were a blur. Family trying to get to Alaska. This time of year it's hard to get up there. We were worried about his wife and daughters. They decided to burry him up in Alaska and we had a service down here for the rest of the family. I dream about that Thanksgiving a lot. Only in my dream,I make him stay on the phone. Kind of stupid. I know we can't change the past and our future is all ready mapped out. But still I dream that dream. We miss you Big Brother.
So for now that hat stays in our bedroom.